its been hours.

i’m currently something like three thousand feet over the pacific ocean. i want to blog but for now i’ll have to save it in a word file and just paste it to blogger later if i feel like i want the public to read it. i probably will, because i really hate to waste my time writing words that no one will read. i really hate it. there’s a woman near me that looks at me often and im really curious as to why but it’s too late at night and my ears keep popping and i just don’t care. this flight was so open that i have three seats all to myself. i wonder how many planes i’ve been on in my lifetime. i want to say near one hundred, if not over that. that seems ridiculous but i’ve gone to hawaii twice a year since freshman year and its about three flights over each way. which makes fourty eight flights since the age of like 14 or something.

i wanted to blog because of a conversation i had with lauren earlier. something’s kind of poetic about deep talks in different timezones. that’s clearly a personal opinion, clearly. there’s no rhyme or reason to it. i’ve been told i’m poetic. god, do i hate poetry though. i really do. just can’t stand it. anyway, my conversation with lauren was really beautiful. she has really beautiful words. she’ll read this way after i post it and smile in south carolina, probably. i borrowed a book from her and she underlined something. “The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.” it really struck me because we’re at very different points in our (love) lives and just earlier today i was thinking about how a person can read a book and it can be percieved so differently, even if those two people are similar. none of this is why i wanted to blog or what i wanted to put down. i wanted to put down that i confided in her and now you, whoever you are, that i was worried about the effects of what happened with everything. and she told me that it wouldn’t. and i knew that but i needed someone to tell me. and then she told me that i had to let it go with all my heart so that someday could have my whole heart. or something like that. it was really pretty how she worded it. like out of a movie or something.

the lady who keeps staring at me has a husband who likes to eat mini nutterbutters really loudly.

i really love my mom and its always so hard to leave her. she’s really good to me. everything a mother should be. i mean honestly, if i could be a parent half as good as her i’d exceed my already very high expectations for myself. she’ll never see this and of course that’s not the point. whatever.

five hundred and four words later, still over the pacific, just somewhere over the huge amount of water, i’m sitting here listening to the big bang theory and i have too many thoughts than i can get onto this computer before they fly away. i think i’m done here. i just want to sleep now. i’ll be in california in something like four hours. five hundred and sixty nine words later. seventy four.