thanks to lauren, i have it all sorted out. i'm not alone because im unwanted. i'm alone because people are people and they'll have their prorities. you can have someone like a parent who you look up to and trust, but at the end of the day they are a person and they dont always do what you want them to. you can have a person you thought you loved, and then you can figure out they were actually just very good at being what they thought you wanted. it took me over a year to figure that out.
i want to remember that it's never worth changing yourself. i look back at everything and i see that the way that i was is literally the opposite of everything i've ever been. i'm not proud of it. and i'll never forgive him for playing on my weaknesses of years but i'll thank him for teaching me what to look out for in a guy and for making me even stronger than i was before. he can't beat me. i still win.
i dont want to believe that i can't have lauren around anymore. i really am just stunned. i asked her to talk and she came over right away. ill never find someone like that. ever. it feels so good to have people like that in your life. that are there unconditionally. i'm sitting all alone and i feel so loved. lauren, thanks for teaching me how to take the people out of my life that dont deserve to be there. you're truly one of a kind. <3
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